I don’t know if you’ve seen the following, for example:

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/intersection/2009/03/25/singled-out/

http://ambivalentacademic.blogspot.com/2009/03/scientist-or-fodder-for-sexual-fantasy.html

At the ripe old age of 60 I now understand that I was (keyword: was) a pretty good looking young man. And I am still an exceptionally intelligent human being. My last IQ test, if you believe in IQ results, was 162. I lost the beauty but I still have the brains.

After reading the comments above I do have one thing to say about a girl named Beverly. She said to me while gazing into my eyes, “I have always wanted to make love with someone as intelligent as you.” Unfortunately I walked away with all my brains still in not out.

Regrets, Particle T

Your point is well-taken: “it could seem reasonable that your genius girlfriend might like to be told she is pretty.”
And that is true, however, that’s not quite the point that I was trying to make. I’m interested in what happens for the complimentER rather than the complimentEE in these situations. When I find a guy who’s smart, I get weak in the knees, and just can’t resist telling him so. But from my observations, the same is not true of my interactions with men. When a man finds a woman who’s pretty, he gets weak in the knees and can’t resist telling her so. Regardless of what the other party wants to hear, isn’t it *interesting* that it (seems to be) smarts that makes women weak in the knees, and looks that makes men weak in the knees? That’s why I wonder if it’s biology. The things that make our hearts go all-a-flutter seem to be different.

Of course, this is all stereotypically speaking, and as a recent post at Swans on Tea said, why are we speaking about stereotypes? I’ve been thinking about that a lot, and my inclination is that we’re speaking about stereotypes because for many of us, the stereotypes match our experience. I can only speak for my experience in these matters. (And yes, of course, a pretty face also makes me weak in the knees, but it’s more like icing on the cake. Mmm, icing…).

So, yes, Tercel, your genius girlfriend probably does like to hear she’s pretty. We all do. In a way, saying someone’s pretty is a comglomeration of all sorts of appreciation, since people get more and more gorgeous to us the more we like them, regardless of standards of beauty. But I’m curious about what sorts of compliments we feel *bidden* to make about our significant others?!

I always flirted hard with you but could never match your wit or intelligence. We both know how gorgeous you are

R

Keep in mind that the men in question here — geeks, nerds, and typically awkward people — are not very adept or confident in general when talking to women. Some are worse than others, but as you said yourself, we all have a less than complete understanding of the other sex. So we are strongly influenced by what we have been trained to think women want to hear. Men also, as you alluded to, have more confidence in their intelligence, whether it is deserved or not, and we assume this is true of women. We are also aware of the stereotype that smart women are not attractive, so it could seem reasonable that your genius girlfriend might like to be told she is pretty.

Also, google “femiphobia”….

I tend not to come out with compliments right out of the starting stalls. After some conversation, if I am impressed, I may make a comment about her brilliant smarts. I guess she already knows about her good looks from all the other people who MUST have told her that many times before.

And Bioephemera is beautiful

One reason guys tend to compliment about looks vs smarts – it’s easier (plus we’ve been trained that way by movies, TV, you name it). Your face is right out there in public unless you’re wearing a burka or skimask, but your smarts are harder to discern without a bit of conversation.

I’m speaking generally, of course, not having seen you in a burkha!

But now that it’s been pointed out, I’ll try to remember to compliment for intelligence when I’m smart enough to remember to…

As for lip gloss. . . I once had my students expose petri plates to “the dirtiest things you can think of” (doorknobs, toilet seats, toothbrushes, etc.) to gross them out about ubiquitous germs. The next day, we opened the incubator and pulled out the plates -all pretty run of the mill fungi and bacteria, except for a group whose plate was covered with the most sinister bright red glossy colonies I had ever seen. I was about to call our microbiologist at home, when I saw their next plate, which was covered with various shades of pink glitter. Apparently lip gloss was “the dirtiest thing” they could think of!

One of the funniest Iron Science Teacher shows that I ever saw (like Iron Chef, but ‘teach a science lesson using this secret ingredient’) was the one for Crayons. A teacher showed us how to make lip gloss using crayons and a little chemistry. What made this one a gem was:
1. The teacher was male, with a delightful british accent
2. The cute little girl in the front row who was given the choice of what crayon color he should use for lip gloss (which *he* put on at the end of the show) chose *black*.

Priceless. You can see the RAM of that episode here: http://www.exploratorium.edu/iron_science/iron060707.ram

And more Iron Science Teacher here: http://www.exploratorium.edu/iron_science/